5 Areas where Mom Shaming Needs to Stop

So May 10-16 marks Mental Health Awareness Week, and with Mother’s Day right behind us, I thought why not combine the two and talk about moms and mental health. Maternal mental health is a lot. Most of the time we don’t know what we’re doing, and that does get to us. For more on that, check out this blog post. However, one of the worst things that impacts our mental health, is the mom shaming, and it needs to stop. Any choice a mom makes for themselves and the wellbeing of their family is theirs and theirs alone. Others don’t need to add their two cents unless asked. So here are a few categories where mom shaming just needs to stop.

Feeding Methods-There is the age old saying of “Breast is best.” That statement alone has brought soooo much anxiety to moms all around for feeling pressurized for directly breast feed their child from day 1. When there could be a variety of reasons why that just doesn’t happen: latching challenges, supply challenges, experiencing pain, and for me it was just not enjoying it. I found much better ways to bond with my child that didn’t involve me going topless every few hours, but it took awhile to get to that point. Initially, I felt so much pressure to breastfeed because of society’s expectation for it. Yet, when I tuned it out and followed my chosen method of feeding: I was mentally at peace, and my baby was much happier. Hence the shaming around what feeding method is using-needs to stop.

Food Choices-I firmly believe that anybody who comments on what a child should or shouldn’t eat doesn’t understand what it takes to feed a child. In an ideal world, I’m sure any mom would love that their child eats organic, super healthy food all the time. Do you know how exhausting that is?? Thinking about what to eat for dinner every night is tiring, now imagine how stressful it can get to think of healthy food options for a tiny human. Sometimes you have to give the off-the-shelf snacks or food items just to ensure a child eats something, and that’s perfectly fine. So moms, we really don’t need to make any excuses for what we feed our child. They are tiny humans who are resilient, and love us no matter what.

Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home Moms-Oh don’t even get me started on this one. As mothers, we’re expected to have careers and work like we don’t have kids, yet expected to take care of our kids like we don’t have work. AND my biggest pet peeve is assuming that a stay-at-home doesn’t do anything at home all day. It doesn’t matter what we choose for ourselves, we all face judgment, and the mom guilt around it is real. Imagine what mom guilt does to our mental health. I’ve chosen to be a stay-at-home mom at this point, and I do go through my share of mom guilt at times-that I’m prioritizing my home over my “career”, and that does stem from societal expectations yet again. We all need to remember, every mom makes a choice that works best for them-that’s it.

Disciplining Methods-UGH this one is really something. What’s most irritating about this is when extended family decides to comment on how to discipline a child-that is not ok. Do not under any circumstances interfere in how a parent is disciplining their child-again parents choice and parents’ choice alone.

Sleeping Arrangements-Some moms choose to co-sleep, some choose not to, some choose the separate nursery, some choose to keep the baby in their bedroom. And guess what, all of that is perfectly fine. No matter what a mother chooses to do, she’ll be judged-and that just gets a lot sometimes. I’ve chosen to keep Aisha in her crib in my room, and that’s whats worked best for me at this point, but that doesn’t necessarily have to work for everyone else now does it?

Mom shaming is hurtful to all women, and shaming mothers teaches shaming behavior. I know that’s not a behavior I’d like to model for Aisha for sure. As mothers we have a lot going on mentally, that all stems from making sure we’re “doing it right”. So can we start supporting each other and learning?? It’ll be a much better place overall.